A SERMON UPON GOATS,
BY THE REV. MR. M—-D, D. D. F. R. S.
“And thou shalt have goat’s milk enough for thy food, for the food of thy household, and for the maintenance of thy maidens”
Prov. xxvii. 27.
FROM the days of Origen, the second century, to the present, it has been fashionable to spiritualize the scriptures, and to teach men that they have a meaning besides what is expressed. Many to this day think the scriptures have a double sense—what is said and what is meant. A man who could find a spiritual meaning to Sampson’s bee-hive, jaw-bone, and the tails of his three hundred foxes, connected with firebrands, could doubtless find a spiritual meaning to our text. What could it be? We will suppose it to be this: —
1st. The person addressed must mean a minister of modern times, to whom it is said, “And thou shalt have goat’s milk enough,” &c.
2d. His household and maidens must signify, in the spiritual sense, his family and domestics.
3d. The goats must mean the non-elect, who are in the end to be eternally miserable, after feeding the minister and his family for life; according to Matth. xxv. &c.
4th. The goats’ milk, in the spiritual sense of the text, which is represented as abundant, must mean the generous and constant support which these ministers, their children, and servants have received from the non-elect, or such as are declared to be of that number, who do so well for their owners here, and who are to be treated so cruelly hereafter.
We will allow that the three first propositions are so plain that they need no illustration, and proceed to prove the truth of the fourth particular—“Thou shall have goats’ milk enough.” It is a fact, beyond all dispute, that those who are considered the unconverted, or non-elect, are generally depended on for the support of such as have for years been considered ministers of the gospel. The meeting houses are chiefly built with the money which belonged to such as are denominated goats; and were it not for this part of the people, what a poor condition the sheep would be in!
It is a curiosity, the manner in which the goat’s milk is obtained. Money is wanted to make the parson life-member of the Bible Society. The goats must be milked—and soon the ladies produce the money. A pious young man presents himself as one called to the ministry, but is not able to obtain an honorable education at Princeton, Providence, or Cambridge. Milk the goats is the next step. Men, women, and children are called, and the help is stripped from them, and the pious young men have “goats’ milk enough.”
Missionaries are needed among the heathen in Vermont, Maine,and Rhode Island. The goats are milked again, and the missionaries spread their fame in all directions. A brother clergyman is dismissed “because no man has hired him;” the goats are milked, and he is on a mission at twenty or fifty dollars per month.
A mission is agreed on to Asia, and the goats are resorted to, who support the friends for twenty-four years. At last this fails, and what next? Mr. Ward appears, and tells the owners of the goats that nothing can be done unless a college is built in Asia, and some of the natives made ministers. The goats are called up, and ten thousand dollars are collected. The goats are left to feed on the high hills until another milking time returns, when their empty pails are again presented, to be replenished from the same source.
These milking vessels are placed wherever the goats are likely to resort—as in the bureau, on the merchant’s counter, in the museum—for the purpose of milking out the abundance of these milch kine. They have drawn from the goats, money, hats, shoes, stockings, shirts, and gowns; sweetmeats and other luxuries; with missionary fields, corn, potatoes, cabbages, pumpkins, &c.
AH these things have been done, in addition to stripping for watch seals and the estates of old bachelors and maids when death shall put an end to their wants.
According to the modern pulpit doctrine, these poor goats are to be rewarded for all their milk, (so good for the elect,) with a portion with the devils and damned souls in eternal misery, where they shall see the “very elect,”who are fed upon their milk, and by it nourished and prepared for glory everlasting.